ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
