I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
