Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
