i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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