2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
