I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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