Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
