Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
