I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
