I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
