Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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