Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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