Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
