Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
