Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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