woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
