whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
