Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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