if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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