I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize