Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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