At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
