Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
