haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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