So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
