Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
