you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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