1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize