new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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