Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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