So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
