chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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