He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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