..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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