I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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