when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
a search helicopter?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize