I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
