Your dad touched me again.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
