Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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