If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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