you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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