so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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