i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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