Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
