I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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