DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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