Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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