He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
