I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
