Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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