i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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