I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
