i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize