i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you will always have a special place in my vag
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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