There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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