I will die if light touches me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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