Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
