I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
