I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
