ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
