If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
