maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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