How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
