I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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