just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
