He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
